What to Wear to The Airport when Flying

Raed Jarrar's trial, which i had heard about prior to viewing the above linked ACLU video, made me think about what i could wear to the airport that would cause such an eruptive response from the neurotic passengers that are either flying stand-by, have missed their connecting flight, are sitting three hours prior to their flight for fear of being stuck in long security lines, or businessmen reading about rampant criticisms of the newly formed Obama administration. The first thing that comes to mind is some clothing my brother gave me that he bought when he was in port at the United Arab Emirates. It is a traditional Muslim get-up, one might say. It is a long pajama looking shirt with a doily type beanie and then a Yasar Arafat head dress with a black rope that ties around the head. I think that would help me to experience the wrath of profiling at airport security.
Otherwise i could not shower for an entire week while participating in a rigorous daily workout routine and then visit the airport. This idea wouldn't be complete, however, without a few other items. For instance i will need to invest in some patchouli oil, Birkenstocks, a Rastafarian beanie, some hemp jewelery, and finally a VW bus. After acquiring this costume all that is left is to park the rusted, green and red 1960's VW bus in long term parking. Before exiting the vehicle it will be imperative to invite a few "hippies," if you will, to join me in a circle with the windows and doors shut tight, so as to acquire the proper fragrance for the costume and hopefully set off the vicious German Shepherd waiting for me at the security check point. I could say to the guard, "I take it you've never been a fan of Cheech and Chong eh?" as he slides his hand into a blue rubber examination glove instructing me to drop my pants and bend over. As he searches for herbal contraband, his K9 sparky is thinking, " here we go again, I dunno what it is with Jack and his love for full cavity searches."
And finally the last idea i will bore you with is to dress up like a paramilitary militia man straight out of the Montana Wilderness. Stopping by my local Army Surplus store would be beneficial for arriving to TSA officials in full camouflage fatigues, face paint, black steeltoe boots, which i would of course refuse to take off, and if I am feeling crazy that particular day, i might even incorporate a utility knife or BIC lighter into the ensemble.
As much as I would love to indulge every one of these scenarios, except perhaps the full cavity search, when I fly, my goal is to get through security with as little hassle as possible. This way my ass I can sit at the airport bar long enough to get buzzed before the most boring, cramped, and uncomfortable thing ever: Flying with a bunch of strangers in a long hallway with wings, sharing the same recycled air over and over just so I can reach a new destination. On second thought maybe a full cavity search would be more enjoyable.